Scriptural marriage survey
As a husband you have a unique calling to love your wives as Christ loves the church. This is an awesome burden! There is one significant problem with this calling. You’re a sinner! Don’t be too hard on yourself, we all are. This guarantees that even the best of us will fall short not just in our lives, but in our marriages. Thankfully, we are covered by the grace of God through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus. We also benefit from the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. The fact that you are even reading this indicates that there is something at work in you suggesting you need to give your marriage the attention it deserves so that it can be a union that truly glorifies God.
Even the healthiest of marriages will face seasons of difficulty. We owe it to our wives and our families to do all we can to ensure our marriages are healthy so they can weather the storms that will come. We owe it to our wives to seek every opportunity to love them as Christ loves the church. This requires intentional effort.
This survey is just that, an intentional effort. Maybe you will find it easy and the following conversation light. If that is you, congratulations! You’re doing great! However, there is a chance this will not only be a difficult survey to complete, but it may also lead to a difficult conversation with your spouse. That’s okay! We grow in discomfort. Sometimes we need to be shaken out of our own comfort zone. Sometimes we need to hear difficult truths and speak difficult truths. This survey is to serve as a catalyst for deep and meaningful conversation that can guide your marriage in a direction that honors God and impacts generations.
This survey is not a weapon. This is not an opportunity for you to clobber your wife with all of the baggage you have built up. This is an opportunity to speak life to each other and explore meaningful growth opportunities as you seek to grow closer. Engage in this process with God-honoring intent. Begin with prayer and speak truth in love.
DEVOTION
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:25
Being called to do anything in the way Jesus did it is intimidating. If you have been in or around the church for any length of time you know Jesus lived a perfect life void of all sin. If you reflect on the last 10 minutes of your life you can probably think of at least one sin you have committed. Let’s not even get into years past! We are part of a fallen world. We are sinful. When you realize that it seems impossible to strive toward anything Jesus did.
There is good news! If you repent of your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you can be forgiven of all your sin. You can move forward into a new chapter not just free from sin but also indwelt with the Holy Spirit. This is how you attain levels of love for your wife that Christ has for the church. You are constantly being refined and strengthened by the Spirit to live a more godly life. Lean into what He has for you. Accept that He has given you everything you need to love your wife just as deep and sacrificially as Christ loves His church.
Prayer
Lord, thank you for your sacrifice! I pray that you strengthen me to love my wife better every day and, through the Holy Spirit, teach me how to love her as you have designed me to do. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Instructions
Share this survey with your wife. Each of you should set aside intentional quiet time to complete their survey. Begin this time with a brief prayer. You could try something like:
“Lord, as I seek to honor you with my marriage, I ask for clarity and grace. Grant me humility, reminding me that I am a sinner married to another sinner and we both desperately need your grace. Let my answers speak life to my spouse and prepare me to receive my spouse’s answers as we come together seeking a spiritually fruitful union. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Don’t overthink your prayer. Just be open, honest, and seek to engage in this process with an open mind and heart while ultimately seeking to glorify God.
Answering the questions
Read each question carefully. You should also read the associated Scripture to ensure you have a biblical basis on which to answer the question. Score each using the rubric.
Reflection Questions
Complete these questions in preparation for your conversation. These can help you concisely communicate your overall survey and further support healthy and constructive conversation.
Tips
- Upon completion of your survey, pray about how you will discuss your answers with your spouse.
- When you and your spouse begin to compare your surveys, pray together that you will grow closer to each other and to God through this process.
- Speak with grace.
- Listen to understand, not to respond. Give your spouse space to speak.
- Pay special attention to specific questions or sections with particularly low scores. This could be an indication to focus on specific corrective actions.
- Remember, this is not intended to be a weapon used against your spouse. It is intended to help you both align with biblical expectations for your role in the marriage. Support one another and remember to love above all else!
Purpose and Disclaimer
This questionnaire is not a clinical diagnostic instrument, psychological evaluation, or substitute for professional counseling. It is a voluntary reflection and conversation tool for married couples, to be used at their own discretion. Its purpose is to encourage honest, gracious, and biblically grounded conversation about areas of strength and opportunities for growth, with the shared goal of supporting a healthy, faithful, and Christ-centered marriage. Scores should not be used to label, shame, condemn, or control either spouse. If responses reveal serious concerns (including but not limited to abuse, coercion, threats, addiction, or ongoing unfaithfulness) the couple should seek help from qualified pastoral and professional counselors.
Scriptural Marriage Survey
Complete the worksheet that matches your perspective. Choose one response for every statement.